Phew...now breathe again

How do you feel? NOV, 24, 2009

How do I feel?? I feel lost, Like an idiot, stupid, lonely, sad. What I cant believe is that bitch picked that hoe over me. I feel betrayed, lost and profoundly mad that I was treated like some idiotic child. I still hold a grudge and rage against you. I cant stand you face though I look at your face book every other day. For a while my dreams seemed crushed, I felt my soul was raped and violated something was missing. When I woke up at 3 am and saw my itinerary I thought I was still dreaming. I had an okay night before, I was just getting over my loneliness of being out in California by myself. I thought you, thought of me as you daughter. I thought you’d give me a chance. I feel like for a moment when I came back I was okay, I had plans but they all went awry when I realized I was back and those plans I had where dead in the river. When I saw I was back. I realize now things never go as planned. I slipped off the road into a sudden car crash of anger sadness and despair I felt worse than I did when I was missing my family in California. It felt like you fucked my dreams twice over and threw them out in the rain. I realize you did, and I am prepared to get over it once I start school but right now I hate people like you with every bone in my body I can’t stand the ground you walk on your two cars or you loud walking dog. I can positively say I miss my friend who still lives in the same place she did all those yrs ago. I miss Kunstig park. I miss that guy who drives the busses and always has an McDonalds apple pie in his bag and I also miss the diversity that California always kept, and Kompai to finding it again someday. I think I’ve grown up and died alittle in the past few months I realized with help from a friend I wont be shit in life if I keep, sitting here feeling sorry for myself, if I keep whining about how ive been hurt and about how it feels to be betrayed, it was a big hurt the worst hurt ive felt…worse than a seizure, but still im alive and I have to pick myself up and go forward im writing this to enable myself to do that. I shall never forgive her but she did whatever it was she had to do, and now I will try to move on the best I can. I can positively say that I will still feel this hurt but it’s the past now so I hope I can prevail and prove her wrong as my dad said to me a few weeks ago.

Again

Kompai to picking up the pieces and moving on into the future and hopefully getting into Uni of Memphis. :]

To cut my soul out and call it John

People…what have they done for me lately. If you look at me closely you’ll see a couple of closely kept sentiments: that people only work for their own goals, that they don’t give a shit who they’ll knock down in the process, and that they’ll use a person till they find no further gains from them and send them back to Memphis. that’s all I see. I guess all I see is my hate for other people. Guess that’s what thwarts potential relationships I could have had in the past. I suppose so, but really I never saw a gain from them either. Life now is shit. I feel useless as the rock sitting outside my doorstep unless someone uses it to break a window and steal my own life away from me. Wait….im stealing from myself. I think im sucking my own energy from me….zapping it day by day I sit here and do shit. that’s my life…shit. I wish I had more but I have no initiative, I don’t feel like getting up, leaving the house most days. I constantly walk around in this unblissful haze of bleh my life is shit. I want more but I feel no urge…not one bit in my body. All I feel like doing is crying because I not were I wanna be a place where I was actually taking classes, where I could sit in the park everyday and read, where I had quiet. All washed away by staying home one day.


I’ll cut my soul out and call it John…

I cant recall the day i wrote this but boy do i feel crazy

Low Vs Diamond SAVE YOURSELF

love this song its relatively new i guess but relatively old too i suppose. listen anyways :)

Nostalgia...

Hmm do i live every bit of my life in Nostalgia? wondering what might've happened in the past or remembering what did happen in the past? and wishing it could be again? I dont think so anymore. : ) I try to grow up past those thought cuz there never helpful for ya, i mean i lived in the past constantly and what was i? depressed all the time wishing i could go back but knowing that could never happen but only wishing for it. I learned to except things like that shall never come but try to be as happy as i could possibly be in the present, even though i am slightly depressed but who isnt? i bet the richest people have depression or sadness. So i guess im lucky...i suppose. Atleast i have music right? lol and dancing and alcohol that helps. I so wanna move out of america one day. This place is one depressing story after another....fairytale wonderland perhaps lol. yeah i know theres no perfect place. but fuck there has to be something alittle less dim. and faded in color. So many things i love and hate about this place. Im glad i grew up with the things i did. or else i wont be who i am today~ the slightly cynical, nostalgic, empathetic, smart, mean, strong, helpful, hater of the world i am today :) haha

you dont have to read this but if your bored, its okay : D

sleep disorders.

*sigh* As of late I've been having sleeping problems, since i came back to memphis, before then i was fine. now i cant sleep through the night without waking up. or waking up too early without being able to get back to sleep, damn is it a pain and it makes me feel sick. Starting to think i have some underlying problem that im yet to face in order to rid myself of this problem.

Might be the rage i have towards the person i lived with before, i mean she lets me live there. tells me to start school and wait to get a job and two weeks before i have to leave she tells me i need to find a job or i will have to go back home, then a week before i leave. She calls my DAD, my DAD!!! She fucking talks to my parents like i'm some stupid fuck who cant think for herself. and then i wake up at three am cuz i went to bed alittle early, and i check my mail and i see an Itinerary that shows my flight back to Memphis from California. I was lost and like thinking "WTF, this has to be some kinda mistake" but i see it was bought by my sister so it couldn't be a mistake. So i call my dad and he says "yup i asked your sister to buy you a ticket so you can come home" personally I dont blame him or my family i blame the person i lived with for not keeping me in the loop with my own life. and now im pissed every other second and i dont even respond to her emails or facebook comments. i think i ignore her completely. for now its best.

bored not tired and its late/early

Hey yo, just writing to show how bored I am, and how nothing releases me from this constant haze of boredom. Does someone have a cure? Probably not. Nothing can fix this. Well not here. I feel somewhat lost again. I feel like I need an adrenaline pump or something. Or to burst in a stupid dance or to meet someone i haven't seen in years. I needed new scenery got it and had to go back to the old shit. How fun. *sigh* Guess i have to make dues with this for a while. and go back to my bad sleeping habits...thanx memphis...or should i be blaming myself. yeah im guessing the later but i dont care.


Hey where are you my irish friend. havent seen you in days you'd be able to hack my boredom to pieces. =)

YO HO HO HO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just landed in Memphis like 20 million hours ago but tell me why i was already cleaning T_T how annoying. I watched Crayon Shin-Chan and Law & Order: SVU on the plane, talk about funfun xD

SUICIDE BY STAR...

LISTEN TO IT AS LOUD AS YOU CAN WITH HEADPHONES ON AND IT WILL FEEL LIKE YOU UNDER WATER, LISTENING TO DRUMS HAHA ESPECIALLY IN THE LAST 40 SECONDS~AMAZING. to me of course LOL

Hates...haha

-When people drive by in there cars and stare at you
-When people talk and in the conv. say the same things over and over
-When people call themselves Macs or Pimps
-When my friends constantly ask to borrow blank CD's
-I absolutely hate people who are arrogant and think the world revolves around them
-When someone uses something thats mine without asking me
-When adults don't clean up after themselves

God....

I read once that a person doesnt believe in god but shes becoming a christian to avoid hell or something like that. my responce: below


Personally I've had troubles in life that makes me doubt gods existence I really dont know what I believe, but I wouldnt pick a religion just in case I die. That is just weird how can you pick god, Jesus cuz you might be scared of death, I happen to not be scared of death at all. I mean we all do die eventually. if I was an Athiest I wouldnt go with Christianity just cuz we all die. I personally think its wrong.


WHY FEAR GOD IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IN HIM?

Why some women are attracted to Asses...

Masochism
enjoyment of hardship: the tendency to invite and enjoy misery of any kind, especially in order to be pitied by others or perhaps admired for forbearance

Its not always money that draws a girl in. I think its a type of Masochism, I have a friend. She seemed to have a nice boyfriend who treated her right. brought her flowers, always said I love you. Instead she broke up with him and dated a guy who was 10 years older than her, always berrated her in public and somtimes i think he may hit her, he also owes child support and drove a humpty, to be quite frank I felt sorry for the guy she broke up with more than her. I do pity the guys who try, I mean geniunely try and get shot down repeatedly by girls. Its like good isn't good enough. Maybe most women do have low self esteem. He's not really anywhere in life yet she lets him treat her like crap and won't listen to anyone but him. At a point in time she lived with my family and I'd cook meals and she'd give all hers to him, she had to lose like 30 pounds, I think thats rediculous. I could never date any guy like that.

Hey ya'll

Sup foos im bored and chattin and stuff. call me LOL

Hmmm School, music, funfun haha...

Been super de duper busy lately, and its just one class so far -_- damn. haha but im okay been listening to hella music too been lovin it hehehe and its been hot as hell....still burnin up at a sexay 93 degrees and its after 7pm haha.


I've also been meeting lots of sexay peoples yesterday i went to a Filipino dining hall where I said goodbye to my friends old family member and we had Filipino food and sexay Filipino peoples *drools* they were hotter than the food.....sorry. hehehe. though the food was fantastic non the less.

Do you like 2ne1s in the club harhar I love that song. *dances* ooh and pretty boy <3

I have an essay due and an exam on thursday I should be studying. lol


baibai i guess

Last week of school till i get break yay *dances* okay now bye

hmmmmM

Hi Kittyqwon lol

One reason i hate Myspace....

<.< hi
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: That girl Linerva
To: Jadedleo
Date: May 30, 2009 5:30 AM
Subject: OK...


One more time before i give up trying to contact you...... : /


hihi how are ye? Me you ask? Im pretty good, bored as fuck. but good. So whatcha been up too??


Lindsey~

come on try to atleast say hi : )
-----------------------------------------------

things like this were you haven't talked to someone in months and "<.<>.>

Makes me not want to talk to him again. so annoying

what would you say these words have in common...

Beautiful, concerned, fun, nice, out-going, relaxed, amazing, sensual, hot, crazy, smart, sexy, haunting, lovely, smitten, false, controlled, out-smarted, egotistical, nasty, provocative, hurtful, unhinged, off, mad, fake, dead, bitchy, GONE.


one thing all these words relate too??

I need a drink...

I don't enjoy naggy people...tell me why I live with one. please explain that. Fuck fuck fuck fuckity Fuck Fuck....fuck

I need something to make me happy at this second. She totally bashed the energy i was getting :/ FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the jam the jam that make you go to work....

lol

uhm hihi, the few people that read this this is alittle Q&A about moi:


Name: Linerva
age: Old enough to get wasted
Born: USA
City: Sacramento
Hungry: yes
Thirsty: yes
Internet Addict: yes
People watches: yes
what have you been thinking about the last few days: Chinese food...
Tired: Not really
When is the last time you took medicine: five minutes ago
Eye Color: Brown
Have you ever been in love: Not really
Who is the last person you hugged: Chuck
Do you love your friends: Fuck yea i do
Are you Bored: currently yes
Do you enjoy being single: Im bored
Who has hurt you the most: Myself
Do you believe in God: Uhm not really i guess
Do you believe in love at first sight: no, just lust at first sight
Whos car were you in last: ReyRey
Are you left-handed: Yes
What are you listening to: Garbage - Use Me
Do you bite your Nails: Yup
What are you Initials: LRR
Favorite Show: Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill
Butter, plain, or salted popcorn: Just Salted, that butter makes me sick
Are you happy: so/so
What do you want to drink right now: Banana Schnapps, and V8 banana strawberry mixed together
Do you do Drugs: No
Own a Webcam: Yup
Slept in until 3pm: What the Fuck, I've slept till 6pm
Are you an Adult: Maybe
What do you hate about yourself: Procrastinator
What do you love about yourself: Smart-Ass with great music taste
Are your breasts real: I hope so :/
What are you thinking: what should i do tomorrow
Aww damn i: missed that season finale yesterday :/
What song makes you happy: any sexy song
Naked Pics: no
Sleeping Naked: no
The lyrics from the song in the Subject: MC Chris - Pizza Butt lol
what song are you listening to right now: Lady GaGa - Lovegame
Do you listen to, too much music: Never enough
Can you Dance: Yup, can you?
What color is your Bra: Black
do you miss high school: fuck no
are you superstitious: Not anymore
Do you like fire: Pyromaniac is me
Is your hair naturally curly or straight: Curly
Skateboard: I dont have one :/
Does porn embarrass you: Not really
Who would you give a lap dance too: Depends, Am I drunk?
Do you actually enjoy embarrassing people: Of course, don't you?
Do you burp in front of guys: Yup
Ever use the term- EYE CANDY: sorry nope
Dare to share your bra size: DD
Is pink the best color in the world: seriously...no
Did you ever want to be an actress or model: I was good in drama but nope
Will you kiss the person in the room with you right now: depends, am I drunk??
Would you date someone five+ yrs older or younger than you: Maybe
What do you want to buy: Chinese food and a Guitar
Ever shop online: ...who hasn't
have you ever deeply stared at someone so intensely that you could have burned a hole right through them: ...who hasn't

I was bored, now I'am bored again

*dies*

Win some, Lose some....

Well i was just thinking into the non distant past and how i lost some friends but, gained some other friends. Its weird how you look at things, while one thing get taken a way another thing can be handed to ya in its place..how sweet is that ^_^ I love how new things replace the old, I never used to look at a lose(of any kind) in perspective. Everything was either here or gone. but now I see that things are taken away for a reason(they must be no good for you) so I've learned to give up on those who give up on me, that kinda release can only come from loss and its a good loss. Not that I feel free, I'll probably never be free as most won't but, even with the bad sinuses, my boring lifestyle and all that shit. I've never felt less empty, for some odd reason i cried when i looked at all the stars yesterday, it was so dark here, and you could see so many(not the same in Memphis) plus i had really deep music playing in my head hahaha(mp3player), then it still was quiet though. I used to hate the feeling of loss, but this kind is acceptable, weird but acceptable. I feel that im starting to ramble so i shall go now.


anyways if your into indie or alternative or folk check out british artist Bat for Lashes:

Me music taste :D

I'm into rock, alternative, japanese, female vocalists and indie, including:
Interpol, ガゼット, OLIVIA, dredg, Dir en grey, Big Bang, 宇多田ヒカル, HYDE, Akira Yamaoka, Ours, Deftones, 浜崎あゆみ, 安室奈美恵, Blaqk Audio, Cold, Taking Back Sunday, The Smiths, DéspairsRay, Queens of the Stone Age, The Used, The Academy Is..., Dashboard Confessional, Say Anything, 伊藤由奈, Lady GaGa, Sweetbox, Bush, Franz Ferdinand, Thrice, Damien Rice, RENTRER EN SOI, Editors, Gym Class Heroes, Depeche Mode, 雅-miyavi-, White Lies, The Veronicas, Lena Park, She Wants Revenge, BoA, AFI, The Sunstreak, HIM, Prik Thai, From First to Last, 中島美嘉, 鬼束ちひろ, Fiona Apple, BONNIE PINK, Paramore.

Check out my music taste: http://www.last.fm/user/salaciousmusic

thats like my top artist :D

Oh boy......

I bought some Ice-Cream, and thats mah fave. Im so lame hehehe. and now my friend has me listening to some cool French group name Air, total pure awesomeness. Ooh and I co-hosted the other day it was more fun than i expected lolz so lame i am but it'll be okies.


quote of the night: "Ooh how Charming you are."
Word of the Night: "FUCK" but thats always my word of the day.
Food of the Night: ICE-CREAM :D YAY
uhm word of the second: bye *waves* baibai

Taggy game :o I was tagged :o

~~~~~~~~Rules~~~~~~~~~~
1. Respond and rework: answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own invention, add one more question of your own.
2. Tag eight other people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is your current obsession?
Music Music Music

What are you wearing today?
Black overshirt, Green undershirt and Old Navy Sweetheart Jeans

What’s your favorite comfort food?
Ice-Cream, or Alcohol

What would make today special?
If my friend showed up and took me out for drinks... <.< yeah right lolz

What would you like to learn to do?
Speak Japanese, Learn Photoshop successfully lolz

What’s the last thing you bought?
Three pairs of Old Navy Jeans, and about Five Old Navy shirts lolz

What are you listening to right now?
Strata - In a sweetdream

What is your favorite weather?
Cool, but sunny

What is your most challenging goal right now?
Learning Photoshop I soooo suck at it

What do you think about the person who tagged you?
A coolie person, whos suppper HOT :D

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Tokyo, fabulous place there

What would you like to have in your hands at right now?
- Money. and a proper driving license <----same here)

If you could swap lives with anyone for one day who would it be & why?
Hmmmm Keith Olbermann, cuz he's just awesomely awesome lolz

If you would go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
To a bar, so i can drink alcerhol lolz I know i spelled it wrong hahahah

Which language do you wanna learn?
Japanese, Vietnamese, German, Spanish, and French

What do you look for in a friend?
Someone whos alittle cooler than me, and likes to go out and understands me atleast alittle rofl

Who do you want to meet in person?
Lots of people list would be endless lolz first of all Nanny, Yinnie, Wesly, Janna, Devin, Mia, Kiminkwon(cant tell his real name).

What’s your favorite type of music?
Alternative, Electronica, Hardcore, Foreign(Japanese, Korean, French, and so on) Indie and lots of other stuffz

What’s your dream job?
Character Designer

Any favorite model?
Nah not really.

If you had $100 now what would you spend on it?
Probably food and music

Things you wish you could change in the past?
Bleh no changing a thing

Fashion Pet Peeve?
uggs. <--- same here and Black chicks who wear white eyeliner. Makes me want to hand them a seventeen mag so they learn proper make-up habits. >.<

Do you admire anyone’s style?
Nah not really.

Describe your personal style.
Casual

What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Karamel Sutra

What’s your favorite T.V. show?
Gossip Girl

Do you get enough beauty sleep? yes or no? why?
Nope.

If you can take away one thing that you have to go through as a woman, what would it be?
The time of the month in general lolz

people to pass this on to......

no one really hahahaha thanx for the survey Yinnie

BORED as FUcK man!!!

I so bored, I was supposed to go out but my friend must hate me hmmm, aint this a bitch, Im bored as hell.

So I've been thinking....

For like ever and now i decide for realz that i want to go to community college to get used to school again and then while there take Art and Japanese classes and then go to Art Institute of Sacramento YAY. Awesome right then i could partyyyy on the side come visit me. ^_~ <3

Mmmmm Foooood
Food is Friend :)

Someone made MinMin fall for GAZEROCK and I love you <3

Heya bitches jkjk I love you whoever reads this


Well I just want to say hihi Cali's interesting I finally had Sushiii soooo good I want more sushiiii lolz and I for some odd reason like taking pics now dun kno why maybe i shall share more infact yes, sorry i wear that jacket I love that thing lolz

Heres another for those who love me lolz

I've been strangely addicted to GazettE for great reason there music and there sexayness Rawr, I can't remember who showed me there sexiness and great music but fuckin thankyou who ever you are, if you didnt i would have anyone to fangirl obsess over total weirdness right me? acting like a fangirl?? ahahahah thats hilarious my friends think its odd i can listen to Japanese music and not understand the language yet but I try to tell them as i told everyone else Music is universal ergo you dont need to understand it just love it <3 I could be taking this all wrong but whatever I lovvvvve them and many other Japanese artist, I also cant stand when alot of people type "Jap" can one not finish typing the word out lolz come on

Okay one more pic for my luvas before i say baibai for now:



Sorry bored Minmin takes alot of pics :P I love whoevers reading this if anyone rofl
Wait Nan if you read this was it you that introduced me??? hmmm I love you anyhow <3

HOT DAMN

its been a while since i showed up here to say anything, but im giving a HUGE HI to anyone whos reading and saying I FINALLY moved to California from Tennessee, thank the fires of hell lol now all I need is to go job hunting in this ugly terrain that is quite mountainous and scary, but fuck I'll make it along...eventually. I fucking had a fucking martini today awesom3ness right?? YAY too the alchy whatever lol im soo fooking tired it took me forever to type this and Im sooooo buzzed i just ran those words together a million times. I went out with my friend and her cousin Amy soo much fun and then we watched Family Guy and waited for the stupid buzz to go away(which i enjoyed) cant wait to do it again I need a damn camera so i can share this now :P okay Im sofaking tired I'am surprised i typed this right lol okies baibai heres a pic of me for good measure since its rare of me to show pics :P


mee stupid:

<3

Hope you enjoyed my lametude bai buddies or whatever hombres read this...lol..

Cold <3

Aww, one of my FAVORITE BANDS EVAAAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I basically grew up on there music, so angsty, original and beautiful


They broke up though, they are having a reunion tour :D hope to see one day, anyway here is some links to vids::

Cold - Gone Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK6V6kxq-UQ

"Gone Away"


Do you pray
In the night
Can you appreciate the wind
And I won't care
I won't fight
I need you close to sing
It's the same beginning
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
In words
And I can't breathe
When you cry
But I'll be there to hold you tight
And I would kill
I would fight
To keep you close
I keep singing the same way
I won't live
If you died
If I can feel you in the wind
And this is me
It's my life
I'll need you close to sing
It's the same beginning
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
In words
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
And I can't say
And I don't know
How far
I'll go
And I can't say
And I don't know
How far
I'll go
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life
In words
Gone away
It's the same old, same old song
Gone away
It's my whole life

Cold - Just Got Wicked
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJ9tm50CmWs

"Just Got Wicked"

I can taste your innocence
Young and sweet like mother made you
Everything frozen in ice
These motherfuckers just got wicked
Well I can't explain this little man
Taken over
Can't explain the way that I feel

Everyone got twisted up
Everyone got behind my back and broke it
Cause it's my world
Everyone got twisted up
All your friends got behind my back
And broke it
Cause it's my world

1, 2, 3 here I come with the wicked

Well I can't explain this little man
Taken over
Can't explain the way that I feel

You are the love I never had





who cares if ya hate them I dont, :P

n/e way just two vids check more out though if you havnt

New Puter and stuff woot :D

Whew, Im tired. I got a new pc a new laptop. :D :D :D

with webcam and everything, eeeeeeeeeeeeehh Im happy kinda still tired, But yay for wireless internet woot :)

Big-head

Im must be idiotic to upload thisMy big head lol
No make-up O.O what am i thinking

FaVorite bands like

Just a small list of my favorite bands lolz: harharhar

Interpol
GazettE
Dir En Grey
dredg
COLD
RENTRER EN SOI
The Smiths
Radiohead
Say Anything
Queens of the Stone Age
Jimmy Eat World
Paramore
Bloc Party
Muse
Nightmare of You
Big Bang (Not really a band but who the hell cares <3)
Nine Inch Nails
Blood hound Gang
Deftones
Snow Patrol
Nickleback
The Fray
The Myriad
Killswitch Engage
Circa Survive
Family Force 5
Editors
The Used
Audioslave
My Chemical Romance
Clutch
Silverchair
Ours
Keane
Atreyu
The Black Maria
Straylight Run
Dashboard Confessional
30 seconds to mars
On a Dead Machine
Fuel(with Scallions as lead :(
Unified Theory
A Perfect Circle
Tool
Modest Mouse
Miyavi
Death Cab For Cutie
Gnarls Barkley
Cathedral
The Sunstreak
Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Bright Eyes
Finch
Thrice
Iron Butterfly
MGMT
Linkin Park
Enation
The Killers
The Postal Service
Orgy
Kings of Leon
The Academy is...
People In Planes
End the Stars
Abandoned Pools
AFI
Aereogramme
Turin Brakes
Mars Volta
LM.C
Jefferson Airplane
HIM
FLOW
HelloGoodbye
The Stooges
Strays Don't Sleep
White Lies
Everytime I die
From First To last
Jet
The Strokes
Powerman 5000
Husky Rescue
Cut City
Ra
HYDE
3OH!3
Gym Class Heroes
Mayday Parade
KoRn
Iggy Pop
Mudvayne
Jack's Mannequin
Girugämesh
Staind
Taking back Sunday
Chiodos
Chris Isaak
Apartment
Apocalyptica

It was strictly bands to this list trust me I like more Looky looky here : http://www.last.fm/user/salaciousmusic

I wanna make it witchu

I changed my email addy today, thought it should be alittle less stalkerish lol. Im hella bored and its Valentines so no hugs T_T I feel crappy

Cold

Now, Im pretty sick sick, I lost my voice and everything, its usually the first thing to go. Now my throat itches T_T whatevah I'll be okay, this is the one out of two times I get sick a yr lol

OH HAPPY DAY..and Lemon Cake

I feel really really goooooood today, yay lets hope this goes more perfect and I get a MIC :D :D and eat more lemon cake ^_^


if i had a camera Id take a picture of it

Right and Wrong

Whats (right) wrong with me hmm many things....I'm kinda addicted to going to forum sites everyday, Im depressed all the time these days, I love sad or lovey dovey music, sometimes I make no sense, adfadsdfj, I have this weird Obsession with Silent Hill, I eat too much candy, I have too many cavities, I watch Family Guy everynight(on the dvds I bought), Sometimes I wish I can get on a plane to anywhere and just be outta sight for a while, I miss alot of people, I miss school, I broke my mp3 player screen T_T, I've been wearing my hair down for the past week, I started posting in a blog almost everyday, I turned 21 yet I havnt gotten wasted once, I don't have much of a social life, Sometimes I'm too nice, Most times I'm too mean, I smoked a cigarrete once, I stay up late again, and post in a blog, Sometimes I curse alittle too much, When I get mad I loathe everything, Sometimes I write too much, Sometimes I talk too much, I buy cd's and magazines more than food, I want to bake right now(something chocolate), I could use a drink(All the time), I don't have my Laptop yet T_T soon, soon, I have literally NO patience, I write on myself(especially in H.S.), I wish my hair was longer and thicker, I judge myself harder than any critic can, I like to dance and sing(even though i cant sing worth a damn), I don't have a mic but I shall buy one like tomorrow or monday...I hope, Okay I'm done now.

The Happy dance, or the Sad dance

I need somemore happy music in my life, I've felt so depressed lately. I don't fricking know what to do with myself. My uncle died monday, his funeral is Saturday, I'm not going because its in Louisiana. But it just hit me he's gone. Gives you a different perspective on life ya' know. One day your here one day your gone. It's just sad you know, my dad said "He had heart problems and I knew it was coming but, the bad thing about death is you never see it coming" I've been thinking bout those words he said. Guess I'm obviously bummed about this BTW he died from a massive heart attack. Hmm...the only thing I dont like is how greedy his wife seemed, maybe thats just me. I learned from the last uncle that died, My other Uncle Champ he was the best taught me how to play poker and he was always cooking lol I miss him aswell but his wife just seemed money hungry, and she was even her daughter saw it it pisses me off or makes me sad but my other uncle, Uncle pat the one who recently died said to my sister who was living down there "She's waitin for me to die" and he also said "I won't even make it to 40" he was 39 supposed to turn 40 this yr. Weird how you can predict how or when you might die scary aswell right. Okay I wrote too much but thats just me just getting the thoughts out there


BTW I cooked dindin last night and made a cake how am I lol j/kidding

Know it All

Guess Im not a know it all about writing blogs, but I can share hugs *hugs* and I've seen the light about that girl, first I thought Aww she couldnt be that bad and then I finally saw the light shining like it came from the heavens or something lol Damn she's a bitch to everyone...even her friends....whore.

Don't Belong...

Have you ever just felt like you don't belong anywhere?? Despite how much you try you can't fit in. Its like not having a name in a crowd of names, Everyone has something you don't. Kinda pathetic huh?? Guess I'm feeling rather ill today, or depressed whatever you wanna call it. as I always say "I Can Use a Drink Right Now" I think I need something interesting in my life I've been living in the same town and seeing the same idiots(notfamily, tho some are) everyday dammit. Something feels missing. Maybe its cuz I don't have many friends and its been this way for ten yrs, i think im going mad or something. -- its 2009 and I just snapped lol....probably not. Its just people here don't get me all they get is bad hair bad dances and drugs. I feel like this town dulled me out. Okies by for now doves

I don't think Im too good at this writing my feelings down thing.

Music Choices

I think we all have choices, in certain matters and that definitely is the same for music. I grow tired of people telling me who my music choices suck...can you explain your theory on how what I like sucks, or they call me mainstream like I ever said I was indie lol Yeah, Im still gripping about the bitch who called me mainstream yet had Nirvana and Tokio Hotel in there playlist and I mean massive plays. harhar sorry But yeah whats the crime in liking Atreyu, Fall Out Boy and others as long as your not subjecting anyone else to it.

and I heard this new song called "stanky leg" it drives me mad, the lyrics and the dance is even worse, but somehow Im forced to listen because my sister listens to it on the tv....this is why I don't watch MTV anymore. They play pure SHIT.

As i was saying back to choices, I can be alittle hypocritcal and judge others based upon music choices but its just the really bad choices like any Disney Chanel star or Lil Wayne--Can we even call him Rap, he raps as if he's in a constant conversation with himself--sorry again.

I feel completely purified writing here where no one will see it, well Im not sharing...yet.

Have you heard of the Korean boy group BIG BANG Soo awesome.

I'd kill for some M&M's now.........

Atreyu

Atreyu - Ex's and Oh's



sorry this song is the shit I dont give a damn who might hate them lol

"Shoud've turned and ran like hell, last Time I got a taste of you"

dredg - Bug Eyes

dredg Bug Eyes this song has to be in my top list of the best damn songs EVER, maybe its me who only see's this but the whole world should this is amazing.



When I first heard this song I was blown away simple video yet amazing lyrics I think i fell in love with them from this point on.

Me...again

Well, here I am again posting to myself, I didnt care to share this yet because Im not too constant on it yet. Well, just checking in with myself to see how I've been lately ^_^ Good thing right Nothing much entertaining happens in my life. But as of lately I've been getting obsessed with Silent Hill again. Damn I need a Visa =/ Everything makes me mad these days too I literally have no patience at all. I miss my AL, JF has been acting like crap today I wonder if others are suffering aswell :( My friend is awesome she has a Boifriendo, sorry i spelled it like that...anywayz he seems nice I hope he treats her right or else *pounds fist* Im glad I'll get to see her again soon she said she'd take me around Cali when I get back, wow all the damn nostalgia I tucked away is suddenly rushing back, my old school Isabelle Jackson has a new playground awesome, I remember we played out there everyday damn I miss the old dayz. Does anyone have a tissue I can use to wipe my eyes harhar Im so excited about going back I think I'll bust or something like that lol Some of my old friends don't remember me I bet it was ten yrs ago I left Sac, and Im finally on my way back. It feels more weird than anything, and damn when will I get my new puter, comeone dad lol I can actually use a massage right now and a good chat on MSN with an old friend. So I say bye-bye now and promise I'll be back...before next yr that is lol I'll be back before then okies and I cant wait to have a webcam so I can be live on the web that would be fuckin awesome