Phew...now breathe again

How do you feel? NOV, 24, 2009

How do I feel?? I feel lost, Like an idiot, stupid, lonely, sad. What I cant believe is that bitch picked that hoe over me. I feel betrayed, lost and profoundly mad that I was treated like some idiotic child. I still hold a grudge and rage against you. I cant stand you face though I look at your face book every other day. For a while my dreams seemed crushed, I felt my soul was raped and violated something was missing. When I woke up at 3 am and saw my itinerary I thought I was still dreaming. I had an okay night before, I was just getting over my loneliness of being out in California by myself. I thought you, thought of me as you daughter. I thought you’d give me a chance. I feel like for a moment when I came back I was okay, I had plans but they all went awry when I realized I was back and those plans I had where dead in the river. When I saw I was back. I realize now things never go as planned. I slipped off the road into a sudden car crash of anger sadness and despair I felt worse than I did when I was missing my family in California. It felt like you fucked my dreams twice over and threw them out in the rain. I realize you did, and I am prepared to get over it once I start school but right now I hate people like you with every bone in my body I can’t stand the ground you walk on your two cars or you loud walking dog. I can positively say I miss my friend who still lives in the same place she did all those yrs ago. I miss Kunstig park. I miss that guy who drives the busses and always has an McDonalds apple pie in his bag and I also miss the diversity that California always kept, and Kompai to finding it again someday. I think I’ve grown up and died alittle in the past few months I realized with help from a friend I wont be shit in life if I keep, sitting here feeling sorry for myself, if I keep whining about how ive been hurt and about how it feels to be betrayed, it was a big hurt the worst hurt ive felt…worse than a seizure, but still im alive and I have to pick myself up and go forward im writing this to enable myself to do that. I shall never forgive her but she did whatever it was she had to do, and now I will try to move on the best I can. I can positively say that I will still feel this hurt but it’s the past now so I hope I can prevail and prove her wrong as my dad said to me a few weeks ago.

Again

Kompai to picking up the pieces and moving on into the future and hopefully getting into Uni of Memphis. :]