Can i ramble to myself....yes i can!!

Hmm i don't know what to write but i thought id come by and write something for myself today =] so is it oke if i ramble Mindsey?? Yeh sure. Oke : ). oke My sleep has been off since i came back home been trying to fix it permanently minus the weekends. :D and since i took those classes in california, I've been wondering why i wanna stay in the us. I mean if i have kids here, all they will get is lies, from the school books lol. but yeh i always thought about moving away from the us. *wonders how hard it would be* hmmmm Maybe france. I read so many places of republicans saying "this is the best place for blacks(the us)" and im like what the fook, if you minus 400 years of torment. and then other years of feeling sorry so putting us on welfare in order to feel better about yourself. but I always skipped that shit because i felt no need to dwell on the past. What I'd atleast like to do in life is learn from the past, but not be angry because of it. I hardly find that useful but i know alot of angry people especially in southern places. so its everywhere really. Race relations in the us have gotten waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better. Every once in a while you see some idiot on the tv talking about how great everything in America is and it does relatively piss me off. Millions are out of work, millions don't have healthcare, millions are pissed. and they want something done. So do I. oke nice rambling session is ended quite nicely =]

wow.

I had abandoned this place i felt so low maybe i can write more now

For Miles. and Miles

Well for a while i felt, dejected, lame, unlifelike, like i wanted to disappear and never show my face to anyone again all because of one person. i felt like shit for half well more than half of last year and the beginning of this one. Meanwhile they moved on and did new things in their life. Mine was stuck in stone. All i could do was hate. and nothing else. Bad attitude and bitchiness out for all to see. I didnt even feel ashamed(still don't), most deserved how i treated them. I talked to my dad for hours about what happened really. How it made me feel less of myself. like i could jump of a cliff to die, but what would happen just to spite me is that fall would be never ending. He told me of all my troubles(more like reminded me) and i remembered i overcame obstacles harder than this yet im letting this one kill me. I'm letting the anger swallow me whole and never let me go. I felt like crying everyday. most days i did. I let that go. I haven't cried or felt the need too since i talked to my dad i dont feel all that rage. Im good now. surprisingly. i thought i was over this before. as you can see in the below post but it took a talk to my dad to make me realize i cant let that bitch control my feelings. i need to pick myself up and move on if i want to realize my dreams. with all my heart. THANX DAD =]